5 September: w00t! The World Championship of Online Poker is finally here and at last I have the chance to prove to the world that I’m the bestest poker player in the whole wide world all over again – mind you, I shouldn’t really have to. Have they not seen series 5 of HSP?! Gabe Kaplan got so excited about my super-smart bets and +EV bluffs that he had to change his trousers THREE TIMES per episode. After the show, he told me he loved me, but then he started crying. Gabe Kaplan is a funny guy.
22nd September: I’ve always said that WCOOP isn’t a true reflection of who the bestest poker player in the whole wide world is. I didn’t win any bracelets at this year’s event, but that doesn’t mean anyone is actually better than me – it just shows that PokerStars is obviously rigged so that Euro-donks actually have a chance of winning something – how else do you explain a Frenchman taking down two WCOOP titles in a week? Anyway, I’m off to London to play in the WSOPE – everyone knows that’s the real test of who’s the bestest poker player in the whole wide world. Ever. Period.
2nd October: I didn’t win a bracelet at the WSOPE, but it’s a complete joke of a series anyway. Everyone knows that the only real, 100% genuine test of who’s the bestest poker player in the whole wide world is the £20 re-buy at the Equal Chance in Walthamstow – and I totally pwned that to reaffirm my place as the game’s greatest. While in London, I had to kiss Annette Obrestad because I owed Ziggy $500k. Girls are still totally gross, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be – in fact, it made me go kind of tingly. Anyway, I’m going to go and change my status on Facebook to tell Annette that she smells >:- ) |
